further adventures in dissertating

i try to feel excited about writing this diss because it symbolizes for me some kind of light at the end of a very, very, very, very long and dark tunnel. this diss is kind of like a boyfriend or sig. other that you love and hate at the same time...an intersection of total paradox where love and fear exist in the same moment. it takes a while to get used to that feeling. but it never stops though....as if after i'm done and i get a job there's tenure to worry about...there's publishing to worry about...there's the possible locations that you might be moving to that may or may not be better than where you are in the present. i have this urge to just drive to chicago and take my chances...i mean seriously we basically are born and then we die...i need to keep it interesting between those two points.