Well, along with Devon, I made an appearance on Will's blog! The topic of the conversation was songs from the 80s...particularly songs that were not really mainstream. When I think about the 80s (and early 90s) I feel grateful that I was queer(ed). I feel that I had access to this great community of outsiders (gothic, punk, new wave, etc) that listened to great music that, in its time, was very much contercultural. I see the undergrads walking around campus sometimes sporting a mohawk or gothic wear (that I'm sure they purchased at the local mall) and I am reminded once again how things do not remain the same...they change and morph into a fad that is only a former shell of the protection and confirmation of idenity that it once was...the creation of the audience has, finally, been materialized. Things change in many ways and, as old as I am now, I should come to expect it. But I still am nostalgic but what is troubling is that even the nostaliga that I hold onto is, in itself, being commdified...it seems that capitalism knows no bonds. I was walking around in target and I saw shirts that were clearly made to look as if they came from the eras of the 70s and 80s...shirts with logos and pictures, etc. These looked exactly like the shirts that me and my friends would purchase (at say, 50 cents to a dollar at most) at the local Goodwill or Salvation Army. It is sad that cultural memory has been coopted, slapped on a t-shirt and sold for a lot of money. Better yet, I saw a young guy the other day wearing a Pixies concert t-shirt that (the concert) took place in the 80s....he wasn't born yet! I just am saddened by these artefacts that are being sported around today as fashion and the wearers have no idea as to context...it just looks pretty. One thing that I feel has not changed is, to a large extent, me. I still feel like I'm on the outside watching...just watching all these people running around in circles..."I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad." I found the lyrics to Tears for Fears' song "Mad World" a song from my youth....It's funny, I can still remember dancing to it with my pink/eggplant colored hair, black clothes, doc martins, and a huge nose ring surrounded by a community were I very much felt at home. Now we have advanced degrees, babies, partners, etc.
Mad World
All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you’cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you’cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very
Mad world
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Monday, February 13, 2006
Is it a choice?
It was hinted to me by a fellow TA the other day to come to her class and speak on being gay. First of all I have certain misgivings about that...not that I have a problem with my sexuality or the fact that the entire world knows...but sometimes I feel such academic discussions lead to a sort of tokenism. Anyway, I politely declined for the simple reason that the class is at 8 in the morning. Seriously, who's gay at 8 in the morning?
Friday, February 10, 2006
untitled
today is the day that i clean up my life for
the voices that tell me otherwise i have stowed
away in urns upon the mantle like fingers pointing to the
ceiling in my mind where cloaded and dark my
thoughts circulate in storm systems that spell out a language
written in a glowing electicity
yes today i will clean up my life by
extracting the tirednesses that cling to and color my body
i unfurl them with a snap
cuting into fragments the halo of stale, smoke-filled air while
throwing out into the spaces that remain
the smell of linen and bleach then
folding them neatly into drawers designed for waiting
waiting
unitl i retrieve them once again
to make a bed
in which i will sleep
the voices that tell me otherwise i have stowed
away in urns upon the mantle like fingers pointing to the
ceiling in my mind where cloaded and dark my
thoughts circulate in storm systems that spell out a language
written in a glowing electicity
yes today i will clean up my life by
extracting the tirednesses that cling to and color my body
i unfurl them with a snap
cuting into fragments the halo of stale, smoke-filled air while
throwing out into the spaces that remain
the smell of linen and bleach then
folding them neatly into drawers designed for waiting
waiting
unitl i retrieve them once again
to make a bed
in which i will sleep
Sunday, February 05, 2006
"Wotcher, Harry!"
Yes, I admit that I have read all of the Harry Potter books. Certainly there are issues with the books that upon further investigation, from a critical point of view, one would find very problematic. They are works whose aesthetics are firmly grounded within white, male heteronormativity. However, Rowling does work with the narrative in ways that subvert the aforementioned master narrative. Hermione is a character that the author seems to struggle with because Rowling created her as a strong female. However, as the books progress there is this tension created by Hermione transgressing traditional roles of femaleness that Rowling seems to avowal and disavowal at the same time and Hermione's resolve seems to be dissolving slowly...the disavowal becomes stronger ( I note this particularly within the fourth book). Ginny is another strong female character. The fact that she comes from a family of men seems to give her a sort of rebellious agency...she definitely is more assertively vocal in standing up for herself in terms of male dominance than Hermione. Professor McGonagall is also an extremely strong female character who creates resistant space that, despite fulfilling some types of stereotypicality, exerts an autonomy that has not yet been (to this point anyway) compromised.
Professor Snape, Tonks, Luna Lovegood, and Neville Longbottom are really good examples of sites of queerness. It is interesting indeed how these bodies negotiate their "I-ness" throughout the series...especially within the fifth book. Professor Snape is probably the most complex character within the Harry Potter books. I think Rowling did an excellent job in portraying how one negotiates a marginal body so that the readers' perception of right/wrong and good/bad are problematized on many different levels. Snape is a character that actively challenges binary construction and he, more than the others, disrupts our typical notions of the dominant narrative that the author is working with/under. He also is a character that subverts the subject(ivity) negotiations for the rest of the characters...with the exception of Dumbledore and, perhaps, Hermione. Tonks is also a fascinating character. Her greeting to Harry: "Wotcher, Harry" is telling because the word "wotcher" is classed. It is a word that essentially means "what's up?" or "hello" and is used throughout the working class discourse community in Britain. Furthermore, I also like the fact that Tonks has the ability to morph her body. She can shapeshfit physical features such as her hair color and/or face. It is a rare gift and looked upon positively. Again, Rowling's depiction of the fluidity of the body and how it can transgress normativity at the site of gender and class is, indeed, provocative.
The fifth book is probably my favorite thus far. I think that it has the most complex storyline and Rowling's development of the characters seems to go beyond typical notions of reader expectation. In some ways, this is typical of a "good" story but I argue that it is the character of Snape and his subject position(ing) that gives this text its edge. To add to this, the character of Dolores Umbridge is also an extremely interesting character in the fifth book. The site of the ideological deployment of education and how it inscribes itself upon the body is clearly seen in her punishment of Harry. I immediately think of Foucault and Althusser in this instance. I think that the "detention scene" in the fifth book is particularly telling in its depiction of how a body is inscribed by ideology.
Finally, I think that as a reader of these texts, I find myself making comparisons from the text to material life. I think as readers we all do this. The text mediates how we negotiate our subjectivities within the culture/discourse communities that we are apart of. For instance, I can point out in my life someone who acts out or plays the role of Dolores Umbridge and someone who fulfills the role of Cornelius Fudge...hence making my existence in life at this point almost intolerable. But, please don't assume that I think of myself as Harry! I think that of all the characters in the books, I am more "Snapish." I guess this is a good example of how, as a reader, I am making connections between a story and its reflection within the material world...the world that I live in...and how I too am negotiating and renegotiating my own subjectivity/subjectivities...too bad we don't have spells though.
Professor Snape, Tonks, Luna Lovegood, and Neville Longbottom are really good examples of sites of queerness. It is interesting indeed how these bodies negotiate their "I-ness" throughout the series...especially within the fifth book. Professor Snape is probably the most complex character within the Harry Potter books. I think Rowling did an excellent job in portraying how one negotiates a marginal body so that the readers' perception of right/wrong and good/bad are problematized on many different levels. Snape is a character that actively challenges binary construction and he, more than the others, disrupts our typical notions of the dominant narrative that the author is working with/under. He also is a character that subverts the subject(ivity) negotiations for the rest of the characters...with the exception of Dumbledore and, perhaps, Hermione. Tonks is also a fascinating character. Her greeting to Harry: "Wotcher, Harry" is telling because the word "wotcher" is classed. It is a word that essentially means "what's up?" or "hello" and is used throughout the working class discourse community in Britain. Furthermore, I also like the fact that Tonks has the ability to morph her body. She can shapeshfit physical features such as her hair color and/or face. It is a rare gift and looked upon positively. Again, Rowling's depiction of the fluidity of the body and how it can transgress normativity at the site of gender and class is, indeed, provocative.
The fifth book is probably my favorite thus far. I think that it has the most complex storyline and Rowling's development of the characters seems to go beyond typical notions of reader expectation. In some ways, this is typical of a "good" story but I argue that it is the character of Snape and his subject position(ing) that gives this text its edge. To add to this, the character of Dolores Umbridge is also an extremely interesting character in the fifth book. The site of the ideological deployment of education and how it inscribes itself upon the body is clearly seen in her punishment of Harry. I immediately think of Foucault and Althusser in this instance. I think that the "detention scene" in the fifth book is particularly telling in its depiction of how a body is inscribed by ideology.
Finally, I think that as a reader of these texts, I find myself making comparisons from the text to material life. I think as readers we all do this. The text mediates how we negotiate our subjectivities within the culture/discourse communities that we are apart of. For instance, I can point out in my life someone who acts out or plays the role of Dolores Umbridge and someone who fulfills the role of Cornelius Fudge...hence making my existence in life at this point almost intolerable. But, please don't assume that I think of myself as Harry! I think that of all the characters in the books, I am more "Snapish." I guess this is a good example of how, as a reader, I am making connections between a story and its reflection within the material world...the world that I live in...and how I too am negotiating and renegotiating my own subjectivity/subjectivities...too bad we don't have spells though.
I am haunted by poems II
I am taking a trauma class this semester and I have been reading a lot of articles on the Holocaust and testimony. Last night (or I should say this morning) I re-watched Schindler's List and, consequently, could not go to sleep afterwards. So, I started going through some poetry, particularly poetry written about the Holocaust and I found a beautiful yet disturbing poem by Irena Klepfisz. Klepfisz is not only a poet but also an activist within the Jewish, Lesbian, Gay, Queer communities. The dots between the words and phrases represent the white space in the printed version of this poem that this blog did not let me include here.
*************************************************
Death Camp
when they took us.....to the shower.....i saw
the rebbitzin......her sagging breasts.....sparse
pubic hairs.....i knew..........and remembered
the old rebbe......and turned.....my eyes away
i could still hear.....her advice...........a woman
with a husband.....a scholar
when they turned.....on the gas.....i smelled
it........first................coming at me....pressed myself
hard to the wall.............crying.....rebbitzin.....rebbitzin
I am here with you.........and the advice you gave me
i screamed........into the wall............as the blood burst from
my lungs.......cracking.........her nails in women's flesh.....i watched
her capsize......beneath me..........my blood in her mouth.....i screamed
when they dragged my body.........into the oven..............i burned
slowly at first.........i could smell my own flesh..............and could
hear.........them grunt.........with the weight of the rebbitzin
and they flung...........her on top........of me............and i could smell
her hair burning..........against my stomach
when i pressed through............the chimney
it was sunny..........and clear.........my smoke
was distinct..........i rose quiet.........left her
beneath
*******************************************************
This poem is so powerful to me....so many intersections, so many things are being touched upon and blended together. This poem is attempting to go beyond language....I feel compelled to write about it...study it...parse it out...but I also understand that to do so would be an injustice to its message/imagery because i realize that i now know nothing.
*************************************************
Death Camp
when they took us.....to the shower.....i saw
the rebbitzin......her sagging breasts.....sparse
pubic hairs.....i knew..........and remembered
the old rebbe......and turned.....my eyes away
i could still hear.....her advice...........a woman
with a husband.....a scholar
when they turned.....on the gas.....i smelled
it........first................coming at me....pressed myself
hard to the wall.............crying.....rebbitzin.....rebbitzin
I am here with you.........and the advice you gave me
i screamed........into the wall............as the blood burst from
my lungs.......cracking.........her nails in women's flesh.....i watched
her capsize......beneath me..........my blood in her mouth.....i screamed
when they dragged my body.........into the oven..............i burned
slowly at first.........i could smell my own flesh..............and could
hear.........them grunt.........with the weight of the rebbitzin
and they flung...........her on top........of me............and i could smell
her hair burning..........against my stomach
when i pressed through............the chimney
it was sunny..........and clear.........my smoke
was distinct..........i rose quiet.........left her
beneath
*******************************************************
This poem is so powerful to me....so many intersections, so many things are being touched upon and blended together. This poem is attempting to go beyond language....I feel compelled to write about it...study it...parse it out...but I also understand that to do so would be an injustice to its message/imagery because i realize that i now know nothing.
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